There was a study once which tracked the comparative success of children who could, and children who could not wait for a second marshmallow. A three year old child would be placed at a table with a single large marshmallow on a plate within their reach. The researcher told the child that they would be back in 1 minute. If the marshmallow was still there, the child would get that marshmallow and another. If, when the researcher returned, the marshmallow was gone, no extra marshmallow would be forthcoming. It turns out over the years that the children who could wait for a second marshmallow had much more successful lives than those who could not.
It makes sense. Those who waited possessed patience – which is to say they possessed impulse control, endurance, foresight, and determination. These are the qualities that, on a level playing field, will assure success. Patience is, indeed, a virtue.
It is (James 1.3-4). Unfortunately, it is not a virtue I posses in any measure. I have often wondered how I would have fared if given the marshmallow test at three. I think I would have probably taken my little three-year-old fingers and picked a hunk out of the bottom of the marshmallow, then put it back on the plate so that it looked intact. If you pop it into your mouth quickly as soon as the researcher comes back in the room he’ll never know you partially ate your marshmallow, and you could eat your marshmallow and have another.
It occurs to me that I have spent my life gaming patience – of finding ways to beat it. If one is impatient, one usually arrives ahead of time and hurries up to get one’s work done – thus impatience can be made to pass for punctuality, responsibility, and hard work. Also, if one plans ahead, one can almost always keep oneself diverted. I learned early on that adults approved of children reading books. I love to read. No one would object when you carried a book along. I also learned that if your Bible was open during church service, and you were writing in a note pad adults assumed you were paying attention and taking notes. I devised word games and number games from the Bible to pass the time during boring sermons (How many groups of three can you find in the book of Jude? What are the most animals you can find in one verse? Did Methusaleh die the year of the flood?). Also if you sit on the front row no adults are there to supervise, and if the preacher really refuses to wrap it up you can shake your foot, crack your knuckles, or do something else to annoy him because you are in his direct line of sight. If you have to sit through a long sermon it is something to do.
In the process I have acquired no patience whatsoever. I have only learned sophisticated ways to avoid having any patience. This is not maturity. This is not passing the marshmallow test.
I write this because we are expected to grow, to mature. In Bible class last Sunday we read the list of qualities Peter tells us we need to supplement our faith, and that we should work hard to acquire (II Peter 1.3-11). Two of these are “self-control”, and “perseverance.” Like a tennis player who runs around his backhand, I have spent half a century working hard at NOT acquiring these qualities. I write this because I assume I am not the only one who has found ways to mask and accommodate flaws.
Peter begins and ends the passage by emphasizing we have to “work very hard” at growing up (vv. 5,10). Success is possible because of God’s provision for us (vv. 3-4). But we must work. We must mature. If not we will become “blind,” forgetting our “purification from former sins” (v.9). If not, we will never be confident in our calling (v.10), nor will we enter the eternal kingdom (v.11). Let us, you and I together, stop making accommodation for sin. Let us stop working hard at trying not to grow up. Don’t you think it is time? I do too. There is too much at stake not to try – especially when God makes sure we will succeed.
